Tears

I was flipping through my journal and found this entry from 18 Av 5772. At first I didn't remember what I had written it about, but after reading it I remember the feeling. It's interesting to see how much has changed in eight months, and how much has stayed the same.
__________

What is this feeling of displacement?
I never belong in a place
I just move through
keeping it
for the next person
who will also move through
and give it to the next.
Something tugs at my heart;
I don't know what it is
and I want to ignore it.
Part of it has a face and a name,
but for now I will keep that name
in my heart.
What is it about that name
that every time I hear it
I want to cry?
I am somewhere in it too.
It is the deepest, strongest and
most persistent part
and it does not let go,
but pulls me, pulls me, pulls me
and my heart
to return to myself.
Myself and my God.
Sometimes I have trouble
telling which is which
and I do not know which
one is closer.
Tears, tears...
They never come when you need them,
only when you don't
know why they do.