Lonely

I know it's hard for you
to hear this
from someone you
love,
but I need to be
alone
right now.
More than alone,
I need to be
lonely.
So please go away.
Don't talk to me.
Don't call me.
Don't knock on my door.
Don't even whisper my name
to yourself
or to Gd
when you ask Him
(and I know you will)
to watch over me
and to make sure I'm
all right.
I don't want your prayers.
Just leave me alone.

I want to be alone.
Under six feet of dirt alone.
The kind of alone where
no-one is
looking for you because
you aren't there
and no-one is
thinking of you because
you never were.

Nothing is more comforting
to me right now
than the thought that one day
there will be a hundred
and two cubic feet
of solid earth between me
and everything else,
and no-one,
no-one,
no-one
will want me.

24 Nissan 5773